


I'll Be Your Super Queen

by MarginallyHuman



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 12:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21036500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarginallyHuman/pseuds/MarginallyHuman
Summary: James's newest scheme was one of the Marauder's most ambitious. It was also definitely going to fail miserably. Sirius couldn't wait to watch the chaos unfold.





	1. Chapter 1

It was the last day of fifth year, and Sirius was the first one awake. It was the Marauders' last chance to deliver mischief, mayhem and chaos to the unsuspecting masses before September. James had decided to take the reins in masterminding this year's show, and Sirius had agreed to be his willing underling. Sirius was hardly one to take a backseat, but even he was unwilling to put his name to the disaster that was about to unfold. 

_Only a few hours until he was back at Grimmauld Place. _Sirius needed to stop thinking about it. 

He took a minute to drink in every detail of the dormitory, of his _home_. He gazed at the rich mahogany floor, at the crimson and gold patterns that adorned the curtains. He looked out at the sun. It rose early in Scotland, and was filling the room with light and warmth despite the early hour.

He walked across the dormitory to where James and Remus were sleeping. Remus's curtains were half-open, allowing Sirius a glance at his friend's pale face. It had been a full moon two days ago. Despite Madame Pomfrey's hard work, Sirius could still make out the traces of the bad cuts and bruises. For some reason, Remus's wolfy side had been more out of control than usual recently, even though all four Marauders had been with him nearly all night. 

Sirius snapped back to attention. He was getting distracted already. He needed to get his lazy friends out of bed. 

Sirius woke James up in the usual way. He climbed onto his bed and transfigured into a dog, making sure to slobber in James's ear. He heard James let out an irritated groan. _Job done._

"Padfoot... why? Every morning..." James huffed. "Ugh." 

Sirius transfigured back, and pinched James's cheek. "Come on dear Prongsy, time to wake up! Don't you remember the plan. _Your_ plan."

At that, James shot up. "The plan! Of course! Do you think it's gonna work?"

Sirius laughed. "Definitely not. But it'll give all of us a laugh."  
  
James shoved Sirius. "Hey, don't be so negative. It's gonna work for sure." 

Sirius left James to force Peter awake and focused on getting Remus out of bed. Waking Remus up was a delicate affair. Usually Sirius would apply a similar technique to the one he used on James, but Remus was a little fragile on the days following a full moon. 

Sirius summoned a bar of Honeydukes chocolate from the stash of sweets in his trunk. He opened the wrapper and waived it under Remus's nose. When Remus's nostrils began to twitch he gently whispered "_Wakey wakey Moonykins_."

He saw the other boy stir, and then slowly open his eyes, giving Sirius a small smile. Sirius grinned back. 

Remus yawned, and softly said "You're ridiculous, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius grinned. "Eat your chocolate Moony, we've got a busy day ahead of us."

Remus groaned. "Ughh not _the_ _plan_. It's a terrible idea."  
  
"It'll be fine." Sirius said, patting Remus's cheek. "We probably won't get arrested. And there are no detentions on the last day." 

\---

Sirius and Remus were busy working on their part of the plan. They had already completed the first half of the day's mission- recruiting a frollick of fairies, and were now trekking through the Forbidden Forest to meet one of James's friends. Who happened to be a centaur. Sirius hadn't been told how James knew this centaur, or why said centaur was willing to get involved in James's shenanigans, but sometimes it was better just to accept these things.

Despite the ridiculousness of the plan, and his still frail state, Remus was in surprisingly good spirits. Sirius tried to suppress the pang of resentment in his stomach._ He has someone to go home to this summer._

"Are you alright Padfoot?" Remus asked. "You seem a little... Not quite yourself."

"Never better, dear Moony." Sirius said, forcing a grin. "According to James's instructions it should only be another five minutes straight ahead. Did you remember to bring the goods?"  
  
"Yes Sirius. Four galleons and a litre of firewhisky." Remus said, "I didn't even know centaurs drank alcohol. And I'm pretty sure they don't normally use galleons."

"Well, this one does apparently. James has met him before. He says he's alright."

"That's easy for James to say. He's not the one whose going to have to run for his life if this centaur turns out to be a death eater in disguise." Remus huffed.  
  
"You were the one who offered to come." Sirius laughed, "I know I'm pretty incredible but you don't have to risk you're life to spend time with me, you could just ask to hang out." 

Sirius noticed Remus blush. "Well, someone has to make sure you're safe. James is more likely to get you into trouble than out of it and we both know that Peter's useless if there's any danger." 

Even though Remus's tone was lighthearted, Sirius felt his chest tighten. Being around someone who cared about him enough to risk his life keep him safe... he had to live without that for two months. Sirius felt a sudden urge to grab Remus, to hold him as close as he could. It felt like the only way to stop the cold, grey rooms of Grimmauld place from swallowing him up right there.

He settled for a casual hand on the shoulder instead. If Sirius gripped a little too tight... well he was sure Moony wouldn't notice.

"Thank you, Moony." Sirius whispered. 

Remus' face was a picture of both concern and embarrassment. Sirius needed to work harder to keep his tone the mood lighthearted. Remus had enough to worry about already.

"Sirius... you know you can always talk to me, about anything. I know how much you hate going home. My parents don't let me have people stay, but you can... you should... write to me anytime. Or if you manage to get hold of a telephone, you can always call."

"Moony, I'll be fine. I've managed to survive in the Black household for fifteen years now, I should be able to cope for a couple of months. Although if I showed up with a telephone I would definitely get a hex in the back." Sirius said, forcing a grin. "But fear not, sweet Moony. I will write often, for I know nought else would soothe your lonely heart."

Sirius looked around. "Okay I think we're here. Where's James's centaur mate?"   
  
They were in a grassy clearing, surrounded by bright green trees and thick bushes. Sirius noticed that there were discarded bottles of both firewhisky and muggle alcohol scattered all over the place. He then noticed that there were also copies of playboy, and, even more disturbingly, '_equestrian monthly_', discarded across the grass. Sirius and Remus looked at each other in disgust.

They waited for a few minutes, before hearing a rustle and the sound of hooves..

A large, hairy centaur with chestnut brown came bounding towards them, swaying from left to right. His eyes were red and he seemed be smoking a muggle cigarette.

Sirius looked over at Remus. Surprisingly, he had gone wide-eyed and quiet. Sirius was a little confused. Of all people, Remus wasn't one to react negatively to magical creatures.

"Hey, Mr... Centaur. My name is Sirius. Nice to meet you." Sirius said, extending a hand. "James sent us to collect you."

The centaur shook Sirius's hand so hard that Sirius was sure he'd broken a bone.

"My name is Kirkan. You can call me Kirk, if you wish. It is an honour to meet you, tiny wizards." 

Kirk had a deep, booming, slightly slurred voice. He'd had too much to drink already.  
  
"And you, Mr... Kirk." Sirius said, "So, you and my colleague James have been in negotiations?"

"If by negotiations you are referring to your friend crying, pleading, and grovelling until I agreed to help him, then indeed."

_Oh James,_ Sirius thought to himself, _dear, pathetic James. _

"So, friend. Have you brought my payment?." Kirk asked.  
  
"Yeah, my friend has them." Sirius said. "This is Remus by the way."  
  
Kirk stared at Remus for a few seconds. "You seem... familiar.... Ah! Of course! We had an encounter around a month ago, although you looked quite different then."  
  
Sirius saw the colour drain from his Moony's face. He realised immediately what had happened. _Bollocks_. Sirius moved towards Remus protectively.

Suddenly, Kirk laughed "You gave me quite the scratch, I have to say."

Remus looked down ashamedly. "I'm so sorry."

"Do not worry about that. It was... er... a lapse of judgement on my part to approach you. I may have consumed a little firewhisky on that particular night. Besides, it led to the start of a new friendship. That night, James tended to my wound. We have spent many an evening drinking together since."

"Well... sorry anyway. Here's your firewhisky and galleons." Remus said awkwardly.

"Thank you, friend." Kirk said, downing the whole bottle and throwing it to the ground. 

Sirius grabbed Remus's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Remus was always devastated whenever he hurt anyone in werewolf form.

"Well Kirk, should we get going?" Sirius asked.   
  
"Of course." Kirk said jovially. "You may ride on my back if you wish." 

\---

Riding a half-drunk centaur through the forbidden forest turned out to be a terrible idea. Kirk wobbled and stumbled his way through the trees, all the while running at what felt like the same speed as a Nimbus. Sirius was sat behind Remus and clung onto the other boy for dear life.

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. Remus looked positively ghostly.

When Sirius saw the castle come into view he let out a breath of relief.

"Alright. Here we are." Kirkan said, "You may descend."

"And from the looks at it we're just in time for breakfast." Sirius said. 

"Great! I will get in position. But first, may I talk to Remus alone for a minute." Kirk asked.

Remus looked at Kirk, clearly concerned. Sirius gave him a small nod and a reassuring smile. Sirius walked away slowly, glancing back every few seconds. Sirius lurked nearby until Remus came back to him, a grim expression on his face. 

"What did he say?" Sirius asked. "Come on, tell me. Was it a wolfy related thing?"   
  
Remus nodded his head. "He just offered me some tips for going about the forest. Where to avoid, stuff like that." 

He was lying. Sirius could tell. Sirius decided to play along anyway. If Remus didn't want to tell him, there was no use in trying to convince him otherwise. Moony was a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be.

But there was something in Remus's steely, protective gaze that told him it was serious. 

"Well, lets go to the Great Hall." Sirius said lightly. "Do you think Prongs and Wormtail managed their parts of plan?"

Remus looked relieved at the change in topic, "James, definitely. Peter... we'll see."


	2. Chapter 2

\---

Sirius and Remus made their way back to the Great Hall. Most of the students were packing or getting breakfast, so the grounds were quiet. Remus's frown told Sirius that he was still thinking about whatever the centaur had said to him. Sirius desperately wanted to lighten the mood.

He decided upon drawing filthy pictures in the air using an adapted version of _lumos._ He was rewarded with an exasperated sigh and a gentle shake of the head.

"You are ridiculous, Padfoot." Remus said softly. 

Eventually they arrived at the entrance. Sirius stepped in to the Great Hall. It far louder and busier than usual, and covered in bright yellow banners. Hufflepuff had won the house cup. Gryffindor were in last place for the fifth year in a row, mostly due to the Marauders having lost them several hundred house points. James was sitting next to Peter, and near enough to Lily that he could stare at her without being within hitting distance. Once Sirius caught his eye he smiled widely and gave him a big thumbs up.

"Are you going to sit down, Padfoot?" Remus asked him. "Or just stand there grinning like a madman?"

"I've just got one more thing to do." Sirius told Remus. "Thank you for your help, kind Moonykins. Truly you are indispensable to our operation. Alas, your role is complete. You may now sit back and enjoy the show."

"Ok, well don't do anything I wouldn't." Remus said. "Or at least, don't do anything _ James _ wouldn't. That should be a low enough bar for you."

"Sure thing. I will be the picture of goodness and purity." Sirius cackled.

"Why doesn't that reassure me?" Remus muttered.

Sirius caught the eyes of Marie Hoffendale, a short, curvy girl with pretty, but stern features. She was the head of Gryffindor, and Sirius's ex-girlfriend. Well, he says ex. They had shared ten minutes of intense romance in Sirius's second year caused by Snape spiking him with a malicious love potion, and then a quick firewhisky induced snog in the Gryffindor common room in June of fourth year. Sirius felt that it was truly a love story for the ages.

Sirius gestured towards the door. She followed him outside.

"Marie, you look lovely today. Truly radiant." He said, with a relaxed grin. "Is that a new perfume? Smells delightful."

She looked at him pointedly. "I've already agreed to help you. You don't have to butter me up. Do you remember your end of the bargain?"

Sirius nodded, "Yes, yes, a ten galleon donation to the "Save the Snidget" foundation, and the first three volumes of the 'Auror Training Guide'. And a date, of course."

He handed over the books, feeling a twinge of sadness when he saw her face light up upon seeing the books. She was a brilliant witch, but her parents were both Muggleborn, which had become nearly synonymous with being unemployed outside of a few Ministry departments. Even employers who didn't care about blood purity didn't want to attract Voldemort's attention by hiring the wrong person.

"Well, I don't remember the date being a part of the agreement." She said, blushing. "Maybe in a few years. When you've grown up a bit."

"Ha! Me? The Great Sirius Black? Grow up? Age? Never. I guess our love is doomed. " Sirius blew her a kiss, and made his way back inside.

Sirius took his place between Remus and James. He could feel that Prongs was almost vibrating with excitement, whilst Moony looked somewhere between vaguely amused and mildly nervous. Wormtail seemed to be too busy stuffing his face with bacon and eggs to display and discernible emotion.

"Is Marie still on board?" James asked eagerly.

"Of course. She'd do anything for me after all. Those ten minutes we spent together back in second year were no doubt the greatest minutes of her life. Truly her love you me knows no bounds." Sirius said, with a dramatic flip of his hair.

"Great. Well then. It's time to start the plan." James said, and then put on a dramatic voice. "Wormtail, call in the infantry."

Wormtail let out a small whistle, and within two minutes the Great Hall was filled to the brim with small furry creatures. Most of them were rats, but there were definitely a few skrewts in the mix too. Sirius quietly _ accioed _ three dung bombs into the room, and then levitated them towards the Slytherin table, filling the room with an unbearable stench.

Suddenly, the screaming started. Sirius looked across at the Slytherin table, and was overjoyed to see Lucius Malfoy jumping around on the table screeching at the top of his lungs. Snivellus was looking over at James with a thunderous expression on his face. _ Excellent. _

Sirius heard a booming voice from the front of the house.

Dumbledore looked at them sternly, although there was a small twinkle in his eye. "Everybody, please follow your prefects out of the Hall. We assure you that we will find whoever is responsible for this, and they will be severely punished."

"Ok everyone." Marie called. "I've been told that the Gryffindor room is..er... also filled with rats, so please follow me. Try not to kick the rats on the way out."

\---

Marie led them out of the Great Hall, and towards the lake. Sirius and James cast a few obfuscating spells along the path behind them to buy themselves some time. Sirius could hear the anxious whispering of the students around them, and noticed more than a few suspicious glances in their direction. Fortunately, most people trusted Marie enough that to assume that she wouldn't be in on whatever nonsense they were up to. 

Those suspicious glances were replaced with knowing smirks once they arrived at their destination. Sirius and James had spent the past week conjuring up a large, white amphitheatre next to the lake, decorated all over with roses and hearts. It seemed James had added what looked like a wedding arch in the middle.

_ Oh dear. _

"I'm leaving. And I'm telling Dumbledore." A voice said behind him. "This is just... this is ridiculous."

"Lily, please don't go." Sirius pleaded, "He's been planning this for months. Look, I'll do anything for you to stay. Ok, well I won't kiss you, no matter how much you beg. No, I don't want to hear it. I would never betray James like that." 

"I don't want anything from you. Especially not.... that. Yuck. But.." She sighed. "If you agree to leave Severus alone next year, I'll stay." 

"Ok, I'll leave him alone for all of September. Deal?" He extended his hand for her to shake. "Ok fine, October too."

She rolled her eyes, and ignored his hand, but sat down anyway. Sirius noticed Remus mouth _ 'sorry' _ to her. The traitor. James gave Sirius a thumbs up. Sirius walked over to him.

“The sacrifices I make for you, Prongsy.” Sirius sighed.

Once the Gryffindor students had taken their seats, a clear mixture of nerves and curiosity. All of them were staring at Sirius and James expectantly, waiting for the next part of the plan to unfold. Sirius sat down next to James, who was staring intently at Lily.

James snapped his fingers, and about a dozen house-elves with an odd assortment of brass instruments, violins and a drum marched in, playing a slow, slightly off rhythm tune. Sirius and James had spent many a night attempting to teach them how to play, and Sirius certainly couldn't fault their effort.

All at once, Kirk thundered into the amphitheatre, and came to a stop in the centre. He was still clearly drunk. The students started whispering amongst themselves. Sirius overheard one of the fourth years asking "_i__s it Polyjuice?" _Another thought it was some kind of apparition.

The orchestra had slowed down to a steady, quiet beat.

Kirk began speaking to the students. "Ladies and Gentlemen, you have been gathered here today for a truly miraculous reason. I am about to reveal to you all a great love story. This is a tale that has been written in the stars for many ages. At long last, it is to be realised. " 

The house elves all stopped their instruments, except for the violin player, who was attempting something slow and soulful and only half-failing.

Kirk began. "Er.. long before any of you were born it was said that there was a great prophecy. It told of a fair maiden, the fairest in all of the land. Her beauty would only be matched by the purity of her character. It is said that her heart was so true it could stave off death itself." 

The amphitheatre started raining flower petals, with most of them landing around Lily's seat. James was clearly in a state of intense concentration, whispering an incantation. Evans looked both mortified and outraged. _Good job Prongsy. _ Sirius decided to join in, and conjured up a few butterflies, sending them fapping around Lily's face.

"There is but one who is a fair match for this fair maiden, and that is a valiant knight. He is a dashing man, with a pure and trusting soul. These two are soulmates, there is no question of it. Indeed, their love is so true that their union may bring about the end of all evil." 

Sirius noticed James shed a tear. 

"The stars tell me that these soulmates are in this very room. And to find these two lovers, we have a test." 

Oh go, here it came. Sirius looked over to where Evans was seated. She was shaking her head and repeating _ no, no, no _ . Well, actually she may have been saying _ "fuck you James_." Either way she was pissed. 

"Would any worthy contender please raise your hand."

Alongside James, a few other Gryffindor boys raised their hands, although it was pretty obvious to Sirius that they knew exactly what was going on. Sirius reckoned they were so used to the Marauder's pranks they were willing to play along.

Kirk pointed at James. "Ah yes, you'll do."

James turned to Sirius excitedly. 

"Hear that, Padfoot? I'll do!" 

_ You orchestrated this whole thing, you berk. _ Sirius thought. _ Of course he chose you. _

"Young warrior, I must ask you now to step into the arch." 

James stepped into the archway, looking nervous. All at once, it started to glow, a soft, pink light. 

"'Tis truly a miracle. You are indeed the chosen one, James... I mean, er.. young man."

"Now that we have found our warrior, would any women who consider themselves pure of heart like to volunteer?"

A range of people put their hands up, including some snickering blokes in seventh year, and couple of third year girls that Sirius reckoned might actually somehow be taking the farce seriously. Lily remained stone cold in her seat, with her arms tightly crossed. 

"Erm... you there, madam." Kirk said, gesturing towards Lily. "You stay silent but your heart calls out. Please come forwards." 

Everyone let out a chuckle at Lily's expense, which seemed to sour her mood further.

"Come on Evans, remember the deal!" Sirius shouted. "Who knows what horrors may await dear Snivellus if you renege."

Lily slowly moved towards the arch, staring daggers at Sirius. Sirius responded smile and an exaggerated wink.

Just as she was about to step into the arch, a voice called out. "Dumbledore, I've found them."

Fuck. Snivellus. Sirius thought that they would have had at least a few minutes more insanity before they got caught. 

"Oh thank God." Lily sighed.

Lily looked relieved that someone had interrupted. She stepped away from the archway. 

Dumbledore's merry voice followed "Students please to vacate the-" 

All at once his expression changed from whimsical enjoyment to outright horror. 

"EVERYBODY OUT EXCEPT FOR MISS EVANS, POTTER, BLACK, LUPIN AND PETTIGREW. Miss Evans, whatever you do, don't go towards the archway. Mr Potter, don't move an inch. Where on earth did you get this?"

Sirius realised that Kirk had already vanished. 

\----

“Potter what the _ fuck _ were you trying to do to me? This is a new level of low.” 

Lily was standing by the archway, wide-eyed and furious. She'd been forbidden to move as Dumbledore wasn't sure within what the proximity the curse was activated.

The rest of the Gryffindor had been quickly carted out of the amphitheatre by Flitwick and Slughorn. Wormtail was off in a corner, trying to hide from Lily and McGonagall's glares. Sirius was still in his seat, dumbfounded. 

"I swear to you, Lily, this isn’t my fault." James said. "The archway was here when I got here, I just assumed Sirius had conjured it up for me."

"It must have been Kirk." Sirius muttered. "That bastard." 

"Who exactly is Kirk, Mr Black?" McGonagall demanded.

"He's a centaur." Lily said. "I thought he was just an illusion, or some kind of insane transfiguration."

"Kirk is my friend." James said. "There's no way its him. It can't be... Why would he... Are you sure this is dark magic?" 

"I could sense it as soon as I laid eyes on it. However, what it is and why it is here I do not know." Dumbledore said before turning to McGonagall. "I must speak to Magor at once."

Dumbledore and McGonagall were inspecting the arch carefully, both with severe looks on their faces. James looked green. Lily looked as if the only thing stopping her hitting James was the fact that if she did, she might end up stuck in the cursed artefact with him. Sirius didn't know what to do.

"Minerva, look here." He pointed to some writing at the top of the arch. "This is dark magic. These ruins are an obscure language. A relative of Norse, but an unusual one. Sirius, Remus, Peter. Could you run and get Bathsheda?" 

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." James said, offering a weak grin. "Probably."

Minerva cleared her throat. "You will_ not_ be fine, Mr Potter, because if you make it out of here alive I will make sure that your punishment is worse than anything a dark artifact could muster." 

\--

Remus, Sirius and Peter ran out of the amphitheatre and took out the Marauder's map to look for Bathsheda's name. They were all wearing matching expressions of shock. Remus found her name near the Hufflepuff common room, and they immediately started running towards it.

Sirius couldn't believe this had happened. Why on earth would anyone want to curse James? Well, anyone old and powerful enough to own ancient cursed artefacts. James was a pureblood wizard and his parents hadn't been particularly involved in the war. He was friends with pretty much all of the creatures in the Forbidden Forest, including Kirk.

He looked across at Remus. The other boy was white, his teeth clenched tightly. Sirius noticed that he was digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand.

"Moony." He said calmly. "Moony, calm down." 

"How can I, Sirius? I'm so angry. I'm the one who is supposed to be sensible. How could I help to bring a centaur into the school? When there's a war going on? I put you and James and Peter in danger. It's my job to stop your pranks going out of hand; this went more than just out of hand it could have killed someone. And what if this was revenge for when I hurt him?"

Sirius grabbed Remus's hands before he did any more damage to himself. He pulled Remus into a tight hug. Remus smelled like parchment and ink.

"Come off it Moony, there are a million and one reasons why this isn't your fault, and you're smart enough to know that. For one thing, there's no way you could stop me and James from doing stupid things, and he really had his mind set on this. And why shouldn't we trust a centaur? I'm not one to believe that so-called "magical creatures" are any more dangerous than wizards. Besides, right now is no time to blame ourselves. We need to help James as best as we can."

Sirius felt some of the tension release from Remus's shoulders, and let the other boy go. All of a sudden, he noticed a strange scent; foul, almost rotten. It was moving fast, back into the forest. He looked at Peter and Moony. They didn't seemed to have noticed it. 

"Wormtail, Moony, go and get Bathsheda." Sirius said. "I need to go and piss." 

"Sirius-" Remus started.

Sirius ran off. For James, for Remus, he would face any evil. Damn the consequences. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any thoughts/suggestions in the comments below.


End file.
